The Changing of the Guard

It is now two years since we first started thinking about Detroit as our next life destination, one and 3/4 years since we first saw the house and made an offer, just under one and 1/2 years since we closed, one year since we finished the construction drawings and picked our contractor, nine months since our lender started returning our phone calls again, six months since we emerged from couple's counseling with a renewed commitment to keep the house and just rent for however long it took to get the funds to renovate it, and two months since we decided to let it go in hopes that someone else could do it better service.

What happened to change our minds in the last six months was basically exhaustion. We had been cut out of a lot of loan programs because we were not yet Michigan residents. But we had not pursued going ahead and leaving Colorado and establishing residency in Michigan because, at first, Chai had been dead set against renting (which seems not in her genetic code) and frankly didn't want the pain of moving and unpacking only to move and unpack again. Then, after our hopes for us getting a loan while in Colorado died, I was against picking up and moving because I was almost in a position to request to take my job to Detroit with me.

My situation at work was that my employer had been bought out by a much larger company with a small office in the Detroit area, and because our new boss is a more global company with a more geographically diverse workforce, the possibility of taking my job with me seemed hopeful. In fact, the Human Resources presentation at the orientation had advertised the flexibility of employees' hours and working locations. But I wouldn't be able to formally submit for the transfer until the merger was legally final. For months, we had had no firm date for this inevitability but it seemed distinctly possible that the merger would be done any week now. So, when we found out, it wasn't going to be possible until January 1, 2013 (another two and a half month wait), I decided to stick it out. Keeping the same sex partner bennies and nice salary while avoiding the time and effort of looking for a new job followed by the stress of getting up to speed at a new job were absolutely worth three more months wait to me to be able to officially request it. After all, we had waited over year by then.

But all this waiting (for the loan, only to see it flounder, and for the opportunity for me to request the transfer) had created a lot of tension between Chai and I. Chai's life had basically been on hold. After the tough going of the cancer treatment in 2008, followed by the slow recovery to a normal sense of herself, followed by being laid off and not being able to find any work in her field during the recession, she was feeling pretty adrift and this house was to have been something that would use her talents and return her to feeling like she was productive and making a contribution to our future. So, when the dream started withering on the vine, the disappointment was deep. She had also been building a small business and customer base and was starting to get some real traction in Colorado. But she would then have to rebuild all that in Detroit. And she wanted to get on with it.

For my part, I was not a good listener for her feelings of frustration. In fact, I took them personally, feeling as if somehow she thought I had the power to make it all better if only I changed my attitude or approach, and I resented that unwelcome responsibility. The many months of her playing the visionary and me playing the cautionary had polarized us. All of our hopes, not just regarding the house but just getting on with life, hung on what would happen next for me at work, come January 2013.

When I was finally able to submit the request, it got supported by my low-level manager, and then mired in politics and personality struggles in mid-management before it was pushed forward, and ... upper management revealed had it changed its policy about working remotely and had just not announced it: In fact, all workers would be slowly centralized onto large campuses and no smaller offices (like Detroit) would be allowed to grow. My willingness to leave if they didn't let me transfer to Detroit was just an opportunity for them to further whittle down the campuses that they didn't want to keep.

I. Was. Devastated.

Flabbergasted, I called the HR person that gave  that original, rosy presentation; he dodged it, saying essentially, "Oh that? Well, really each organization sets its own rules about where you can work from." GRRRrrrrrrassin', frassin', rickin', rackin'.

So, that brings us to late March. I was miserable, resentful, and feeling like a heel for believing the lines I had been fed by my employer. Chai was beyond exasperated with all the delays. And, running on fumes, I had to completely shift gears and focus all my energy on a job search. We were nearly two years in to the decision to move to Detroit and no closer to actually being there.

You might not be surprised if we punted on the whole thing. But we are clear on one thing: We still want to be in Detroit. We just need to take a fresh run at it. And we need to re-prioritize. Get the job and rent until we find a smaller house project (both in terms of square footage and scope of work required). Yes, Chai was willing to rent. This was a big compromise on her part, and I appreciate it. Fortunately, the duplex next door had recently been purchased and one side was available for rent. It is spacious and in good condition and has a lot of "old house" character and a nice, fenced backyard for the pups to run in. We wouldn't even have to give up our awesome neighbors. We jumped at the opportunity and signed the lease even though we would not be able to move in right away.

None of this changes the fact that ours is a great house in one of the most desirable neighborhoods in Detroit. And the neighborhood is about to get more desirable with two restaurants, a coffee house, and a tea shop going in only two blocks away. I still believe that this renovation is totally doable and worth it. It's just that because real estate values in Detroit are below construction cost, in order for a fixer upper to be affordable, owners have to be open to doing some of that construction themselves (and can live with pacing it according to their finances), or they need to have enough cash to pay someone else do it, or they need to be far enough from retirement to have time to recover their investment or rebuild their savings. That's not us.

So, recently, we let a few of the neighbors know that, with deep regret, we were going to have to let the house go, and we asked for their help in finding buyers who would give it love, make it their home, and become part of the community. The sister-in-law of one of those neighbors happens to work at D:Hive; and, within two weeks of our call for neighborly help, a really great, younger couple from Brooklyn, fresh off a sabbatical year in Ann Arbor, one of whom was about to start her new job in The D, walked in the door.

We really like them. Besides having a lot in common with us both in terms of personalities and values, they want to pick up right where we left off (architectural plans, insurance policy, and all) and see it through. We really like them. I mean, like, we would want to be friends with them even if fate hadn't thrown us together in this way.

We explained that we weren't looking to make any money on the house. We just hoped to get out most of what we had put in. The whole thing has been AMAZINGLY friendly and open. The kind of friendly that you just never hear about in money or house deals. They've read the blog. We've tried to warn them about everything we can think of so that there are no surprises or delayed bad feelings.

And since we'll be moving in right next door, we're motivated to keep them close and help them along. Just like them, we plan to make this city our home. And home is where the friends are.

So, without further ado, let me introduce our new neighbors and the Detroit house's new stewards. And continue along with the house's adventures at its new blog: http://amyhaimerl.com/detroit_house.

While you are catching up on Amy and Karl's Detroit house initiation trials, I'm headed back to looking for the job that will get us there and ground us there.

Thanks to all of our friends, family, and readers who have cheered us. Once we figure out what's next, we'll be back.